Introduction Myths & Questions
 
Myths & Questions

Myths and frequent questions relating sexual abuse made towards boys.
Can boys be victims of sexual abuse?
According to certain sources, more than one boy out of six has experienced a situation of sexual abuse during his childhood or youth (L’Agence de la santé et des services sociaux de Montréal estimates that between 8% to 10% of boys would have been a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18).

Through male socialization process, we end up believing that we, men, must be strong, invulnerable even, vis-à-vis life’s events. We believe that we can defend ourselves against all evil done to us.

But we forget that we were children and as such, we were weaker and more vulnerable than our abuser(s). Because we were children, we did not have the means to defend ourselves against that (or those) adult(s).

Subdued by the authority and power the abuser exercised on us, we were swept into the sexual abuse situation through lies and manipulations, when they were not straightforward threats. The abuser did everything to subject us and use us for his sexual ends.
Are the abusers of boys all homosexuals?
The abusers of children are pedophiles. Pedophiles who abuse boys are not showing a homosexual orientation. Even though there are pedophiles who have preferences in respect of the sex or the age of their victim(s), the majority of pedophiles abusing boys are heterosexually oriented, not homosexual.
I became sexually excited and even had an orgasm during the abuse. Does that mean that I consented to it and that I enjoyed it?
In fact, it is possible for a boy or a teenager to get an erection when their genitals are being stimulated, even during a situation of abuse. It is, in fact, what will bring the abuser to say that the youngster wished for and enjoyed the sexual encounter and he will condemn his victim to silence. Many abused boys and adolescents come out of the abuse with an enormous feeling of guilt and shame because they believe that they fully participated in the situation of abuse with their physical reaction. But no matter the nature of the sexual stimulation (visual, auditory or tactile), it does not mean that the youngster consented to the experience when it happened or even that he understood what he was going through.
Are boys less traumatized then girls following abuses?
The consequences of sexual abuse are always serious and they persist, whatever the sex of the victim. Male children are thus very affected by the sexual trauma, to which is added society’s refusal and opposition to acknowledge their victimization and the isolation and silence to which they are confined.
As a boy, I was abused by a man. Am I or will I become a homosexual?
Many theories try to explain the development of the many sexual orientations, but the experts in human sexuality do not believe that the premature sexual experience could play a significant role in a teenager’s or an adult’s decision of his sexual orientation. A person’s sexual orientation is a complex reality and no theory can really explain why a person is homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual. Nevertheless, we know for sure that a premature sexual experience initiated by an adult man or woman creates confusion in the sexual identity and orientation of an abused child.

Many boys, victims of sexual abuse, wrongly believe that something in them drew the men who abused them so they must be homosexual or effeminate. But it is false. Pedophiles drawn to boys state that certain body characteristics of the child (absence of body hair or adult’s sexual attributes) excite them. In fact, pedophiles are incapable of initiating and maintaining a healthy sexual encounter with another adult. That is the problem and not the characteristics of the boy’s body.

If I have been abused, will I become an abuser myself?
This myth is quite widespread and it can cause a lot of prejudices to the sexually abused man because he will be treated more like a potential abuser than as a victim who needs help.

While it is true that most of the abusers have a personal past of sexual abuse in their childhood, it is untrue to say that all abused men will themselves abuse children. Another research showed an important difference between sexually abused men who become abusers themselves and those who don’t: those who do not become abusers themselves were able to talk about the abuse they suffered, were believed and received support from significant persons in their entourage. Finally, another study revealed that abused men who abuse children identify themselves more with male stereotypes related to power and control than those who don’t.

The majority of abused men do not become abusers during their adolescence or adulthood. On the other hand, it seems that those who abuse during their adolescence have a lesser risk of abusing during their adulthood if they get adequate help when they are still young.

If I have been abused by a woman, should I consider myself lucky of this early initiation to heterosexual sexuality?
In fact, any premature sexual encounter initiated or forced by a mother, an aunt, an older sister, a grandmother, a nanny or by any other woman in a position of authority with regard to the young boy will, at best, result in confusion or, in more extreme conditions, lead to rage, depression or other problems. Being used as a sexual object by a person in a position of authority with regard to oneself, be it by a man or a woman, is always an abusive act and often detrimental. Thus, in the same manner, if I become a homosexual and I have been sexually abused by a man as a child or adolescent, it cannot be conceived as a desirable sexual initiation.
Conclusion
As long as men sexually abused during their childhood or their adolescence will not know themselves the real answers to these questions:
  • they will feel guilt and shame;
  • they will maintain the feeling of being responsible in one way or another of what happened to them. But the reality is that a child is never responsible for a sexual encounter even if the abuser is skilful in making the child bear the responsibility that is his and that he alone must bear.

As long as the real answers to these questions will not be shared by society as a whole:

  • boys sexually abused during their childhood will not be believed and won’t be able to get the help they need
  • some sexually abused men will perpetuate the cycle of suffering by abusing children themselves.

For any man who has been a victim of sexual abuse in his childhood or his adolescence, the knowledge of these real answers is an essential part of the recovery process.




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